Before you read further, you are urged to read Heart Attack – I, to be able to understand the context better.

Contd. form Heart Attack – I

“Please saar…” Susie cocked her head, batted her eyelids, adjusted her..ahem…specs and acted real coy.

The resolve suddenly vanished. Coy-thus interruptus.

Heart Attack – II

“You see Soosie, constipation is not too difficult to treat..” I moved closer to be really able to explain things better “..a lot of green vegetables, fruits, plenty of water, no smoking, regular exercises….”

“And medicine saar?”

“Yes…yes…be patient Susie. Medicine……3 teaspoons of Agarol at bedtime. But he must see a doctor over there…”

“Thank you saar..” Susie seemed to make a mental note of the prescription, adjusted her (you now by now) specs, reached for the mobile phone in her breast (gulp!) pocket and vanished.

“Be careful with the instructions Susie….just 3 teaspoons of Agarol and no more…”

One month passed. I had nearly forgotten all about Susie’s Uncle….until….

One fine morning, as I just entered my chamber, Susie floated in, chirping like a sparrow.

“Saar…..thank you so much saar!”

“What for, Susie?” I felt jolly good. Her effervescent smile never failed to warm the cock cockles of my heart.

“Saar, unnkill called from Kerala today. He is so very happy!”

“Okay…how is he?”

“He says he is fine saar!”

“I hope his constipation is cured…..”

“No saar…….not fully!”

“What? Isn’t he following my instructions?”

“Saar….he is still smoking, not eating vegetables, drinking a bit, but one thing saar…..he is taking Agrol three times a day….in fact now he has three days constipation and then four days loose motions!” Susie giggled.

Agarol three times! And still corked up down there! That would even send a whale to the loo six times a day!  “Susie….call him up right now and ask him to see a doctor as soon as possible..”

“Arre no saar…..he says he will not see any doctor. Completely satisfied with you treatment saar!”

“But…”

“Saar…I tell you saar…Unkill Sebastian is very fussy. Showed his motion problem to many doctors. No doctor till now able to satisfy him saar. You are the firstt one.”

What a peculiar sort of appreciation this was. I suddenly felt very nervous.

“Susie…are you sure he is okay?”

“Perfectly fine saar…..says this is the most wonderful treatment of constipation he has ever taken in his life…!”

“If you say so Susie!”

Another month passed. Susie kept telling me about her uncle and the wonderful (!) life he was able to lead thanks to the Annamalai brand ‘distance’ therapy.

The shock, when it came, was half anticipated. A tearful Susie broke the news …”Saar…Unkill had heart attack”

“How?” “Why?” “When?”

“Yesterday saar….after he went to the loo….clutched his chest and toppled…”

“Then..?”

“Then what saar….angioplasty done saar…..will you speak to the heart specialist saar?”

“Of course I will Susie..” I gave her a quick hug to comfort her. At last.

Susie duly called up her Auntie who somehow managed to smuggle the phone inside the ICU and persuaded the cardiologist on duty there to speak to me.

“Hello…”

“Hello…yes…”

“Hello…can you please tell me about Mr. Sebastian’s condition?

“Oh him? He’s fine….had a massive myocardial infarction …we took him up for primary angioplasty….all three coronaries blocked you see….”

“Oh! All three?”

“Yes….so we put three stents. He’s pretty stable now. Hope to send him home in five days…”

That was one rough patch for the ol’ boy.

“And what do you think caused the MI?” I politely enquired.

“You want to know?” The ICU doc paused, took a deep breath and cleared his throat “Some idiot had asked him to eat three egg-rolls a day for curing constipation! That’s nearly 600 eggs he has eaten in the last 3 months”

.

.

Thud!

Epilogue

Strictly for public awareness.

This is an Egg Roll

E G G – R O L L

Made of eggs

Great to eat

DOES NOT CURE Constipation.

Even if you eat 600 of them. Mind it.

This is Agarol

A G A R O L

Got it?

A-G-A-R-O-L

Lousy taste

Not made out of eggs

Still, CURES Constipation.

Huh.