50 Funny Tweets

A collection of 50 funny tweets posted by RoflIndian (yours truly) in Nov. & Dec 2010.

  1. #InSomalia They serve Kentucky Afraid Chicken.
  2. Jacques Kallis, Bappi Lahiri & Adnan Sami have been the greatest all rounders since the past 20 years. Adnan has lost his form of late.
  3. Shoppers Stop is a stop where top shoppers stop to shop.
  4. Girls gorging on junk food and cola would end up ruining their waste to heap ratios.
  5. The social ladder is a ladder one can climb without having to remove the stilettos
  6. As you sow, social you reap
  7. What do you call the Chief Statistician of the Family Planning Programme? Interpreter of Mala Ds
  8. Every time Wen Jiabaos, does Manmohan Singh have to bow too?
  9. What would you call a Japanese godman with magical powers? Bon-Sai Baba
  10. Avoid too much of junk food. Your stomach isn’t a place to stow-muck.
  11. Girls looking for jobs are candidates in the morning and candy dates in the evening
  12. The relationship between a cow, cow’s urine and a naturalist is explained by Pytha GORAS Theorem
  13. The best meat dish in China – Dragon Josh
  14. The only way Mark Zuckerberg can get seriously injured is if Rajinikanth pokes him on Facebook
  15. If Bobby Deol’s career doesn’t soar after Yamla Pagla Deewana, he can change his name to Lobby Deol and become a successful PR lobbyist
  16. In Bollywood, there are many ‘Couching’ Tigers and hidden dragons.
  17. How many corporate lobbyists does it take to change the light bulb? Actually none. They don’t want people to see the light!
  18. What do Garry Kasparov’s aides do when he faints upon losing to Anand? They carry gasp-arov.
  19. #WhyWomenFallForShane Because he turns it bothways and occasionally lets one slip through.
  20. Diggy Singh – “A woman chief minister called me up today and vehemently claimed that Sheila ki Jawani was based on her life!” #diggyleaks
  21. 800 new Radia tapes? How much Radia-activity did she spread?
  22. Who says women are discriminated against in work places. Don’t BPO jobs for women come with a lot of STALK options?
  23. What is Sensex? Putting an X sign on your SENSE.
  24. Would data about stools be called scatistics?
  25. Never judge a butterfly by its looks, a book by its covers and a girl by her T shirt message.
  26. The 2G spectrum begins with shades of gray and ends in pitch black.
  27. James Bond’s status message “The girls are lovely, dark and deep. But I have appointments to keep. And miles to fly before I sleep..”
  28. Among other news, Osama bin Laden, inspired by Harry Potter movies, insists on being called the HAIRY PLOTTER henceforth.
  29. I am convinced that Salman Khan’s blockbuster movie ‘The-Bongg’ is a timeless tribute to Bengalis…
  30. On a scale of 1 to Keshto Mukherjee, I never get drunk more than Dharmender level.
  31. Having seen Jab We Met three or four times, I’m now curious to see Jab We Mate
  32. NDTV’s status message: The Buck Stops Here. Arnab’s status message at Times Now: The Bakra Stops Here
  33. What do you call beautiful Hyderabadi girls? Charmi Naari?
  34. Pamela Anderson and Ashmit are easily mistaken for Pamela And-Her-Son.
  35. An iPill a day, keeps the gynec away! #modernproverbs
  36. A Raja was last seen drowning his sorrows in a bottle of spect rum.
  37. ‘Aap QATAR mey hain-‘ loosely translates to ‘You are in KU-WAIT’
  38. What do you call a lump of despair wrapped in a crust of deception? Ferrero Rocher
  39. Scams come to light when shit hits the fan. There must be a mechanism to detect shit moving towards the fan.
  40. Girls with names like Preeti Hotchandani shouldn’t complain if guys call her Pretty Hot for short.
  41. In a world where everyone wants everything lengthened, URL shorteners come as a welcome change.
  42. People living in GLOSS houses shouldn’t throw STAINS on others
  43. “Whining isn’t everything…. It’s the only thing”.
  44. Traveling in a low cost airline feels exactly like traveling in AIR FARCE ONE.
  45. Kentucky Freud Chicken is nothing but Jung food!
  46. You become bisexual once you cross sixty, i.e., you say bye to sex.
  47. The worst moment for an atheist is when he is really thankful, and has nobody to thank!
  48. The fellow who laughs last may laugh the longest, but he definitely gets the reputation of being very dumb witted
  49. Doc to Margaret Mitchell – Do you still have stomach ache? Mitchell – Nah! Gone with the wind…
  50. Whereas a well endowed woman will cause a ‘Grand Maal’ seizure in a man, a slender lass will cause a ‘Petite Maal’ seizure!
< Previous Article
Kite-us Interruptus
Next Article >
Sameguy
About the Author

14 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. vikaspgoel December 18, 2010 at 11:06 pm -

    Real Gems.

    • Rofl Indian December 19, 2010 at 5:56 pm -

      Thanks 🙂

  2. Nidarshana December 20, 2010 at 11:23 pm -

    You did it! And whatta list!

    • Rofl Indian December 22, 2010 at 4:33 pm -

      Heh! Thanks for remembering the blog 🙂

  3. Vidooshak December 21, 2010 at 1:39 pm -

    Too much!

    • Rofl Indian December 22, 2010 at 4:35 pm -

      O! Thanks Mayunk :))

  4. TG December 23, 2010 at 10:20 pm -

    nice doxaab! No Susie makes them less spicy and romantic though

  5. AmreekanGandu January 3, 2011 at 11:34 am -

    good compilation #saarji

  6. sajeev kumar January 12, 2011 at 7:10 pm -

    Nice ones! great job

  7. min January 20, 2011 at 9:45 am -
  8. Showa February 22, 2011 at 4:27 am -

    Zuckerberg and Rajinikanth; Awesome

    Mala D; is a dead giveaway that you were born in the times of Door Darshan and Krishi Darshan.

  9. sajeev kumar menon March 24, 2011 at 8:45 pm -

    That is an awesome collection. Great work!

  10. Deepti Desai (@deepti67) August 23, 2011 at 10:54 pm -

    It was really witty and very very creative! Awesome brain! 🙂 🙂

  11. Umesh Chandra September 22, 2011 at 10:49 am -

    Do you know that you are awesome!

    No offense but I used to pick your lines as my Facebook status and receive a lot of accolades.