All About Constipation & the Three Laws of Motion

Disclaimer: The following piece of writing does not conform to the accepted standards of grammar and punctuation. Reading it may lead to an acute confusional state.


Here I go:

it is not that i do not know the meaning of the word motion lol but I have found out the word motion has many arcane connotations as wikipedia lists about two dozen of them but the one thats conspicuously missing in wiki is the one which is held in perhaps the highest esteem by humans who attach an importance of nearly celestial proportions to this early morning act of ritualistic sanitisation lol

this particular form of motion was probably not in that bumbledore newtons thoughts when he proposed his famous laws however it would be too much to expect that he never felt the tight squeeze of natures evacuative forces exploding deep within his gizzard ooh la la he must have sang out ooh aah let the music play at some point of time in his celebrated life and the illustrious thinker must have reflected sombrely upon the gravity of the whole thing from a scientists standpoint and pondered ,suppose a whole apple is swallowed how is it going to come out or god forbid what if it is a pineapple lol if you have still not figured out what i am hinting at you are urged to seek goo-gles help at the earliest not really a loo-crative thought though

so I say brothers ki gal hai goo-gal hai to all you I am talking about constipation I hope you understand what it is and it was not entirely without reason that our forefathers laid such great emphasis on the importance of having a smooth beginning for the day lol , you smile and the morning smiles at you lolz however all of you who have experienced constipation will know the twisted kind of smile which accompanies the usual deep throated rumbles while you are at it and trying to dislodge those teeny weeny noodles and nuggets of nuisance it is not exactly the kind of early morning humour you would like to exult in lol

undoubtedly constipation is the bane of humankind and any sort of disruption in daily routine quite understandably assumes cataclysmic significance at least in the mind of which we see ample examples here in the world if not anywhere else

so before we analyze the problem further a little scientific description of constipation becomes necessary believe it or not, once in three days to thrice in a day is well within the paradigm of the normal and i am talking about going to the loo and not about writing reviews lol ,each human being has his or her own unique consonance with the bowels and it is unwise to compare ones poop culture with that of the others again it is the consistency of habit which is more important rather than the gap between two successful downloads if I am allowed to talk in terms of computers and software lol

so my friends in order to avoid being arrested at the wrong end of the intestinal gallery which may have severe repercussions for the mind it is imperative to remember 3 golden rules which i call loo-laws at all times and i am saying this because i am entitled to my own sweet opinion

the 1st law of motion states that every person in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external gastronomic force is applied to it

interpretation – my friends human intestines adapt very well and take care of minor insults without much of an ado and it is when they are overwhelmed by swarms of idiotic stuff such as lots of pizzas white breads noodles buns and here I am talking of the buns which you can chew lol and juices etc that they refuse to budge and call for an all out strike initiating thereby an epoch of anal lassitude which culminates in catastrophic constipation so I say eat less of mcdonalds my friends because a couple of mcdonalds today could makedownload difficult for you tomorrow

remedy is not for bumbling idiots here I am borrowing the phrase lol but for level headed people please please eat enough roughage veggies pulses oatmeal cornflakes sprouts salads anything the japs even ate paper lol yes the older japs clever no nonsense folks usually perplexed by their younger generations aversion to conventional food invented special kind of paper plates which could be eaten at the end of a meal lol the idea was to supply a quantity of roughage to the bowels to keep them running smoothly ,unfortunately the younger japs all bumbling idiots oh I am loving this phrase mistook this for an edible form of tissue paper and stopped wiping their posterities lol lol and it smelt like hell all across the atlantic right upto britain & usa where the reeking smell made quite a number of people mad who had to seek psychiatric treatment lol sweet revenge for dropping the atom bomb on hiroshima

so my friends before i continue with my tortured tale of gastric embarrassment and try to explain the second law of motion i wish to make it clear that whatever you are reading now is not any kind of literary diarrhoea lol but i am only trying to emulate stalwarts and and have full respect for brothers lol who write a good deal of sensible stuff on blogs but get condemned for all the wrong reasons such as silly grammatical errors like silly commas colons full stops which are anyways nothing but literary discrimination perpetrated by the britishers and their ilk but my friend no we are free today thanks to mr. gandhi

my friends as i was trying to define the 2nd law of motion which states that the rate of change of anal momentum is directly dependent on vectors like smoking alcohol and other indiscretions but wait did I tell you about the ill effects of drugs and other habits which people have but are ashamed to disclose to a doctor who shall examine you closely with his finger lol and prescribe purgatives which are good for the intestines as well as for the mind lol

remedy is to control the intake of alcohol and stop smoking but lol many of my friends wont listen to me and insist alcohol and smoke only help to release the shit in a smooth manner and I can only advise them but I have no cure for bacchus and his harrowing ways lol

so my friends before you lose your precious interest and start to disperse let me quickly describe the 3rd law of motion which states that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction lol , i mean the action of actively trying to squeeze the hardships out of you through that wee little **** which everyone has will inevitably lead to a sweet reaction like development of piles which is gods way of punishing infidels and traitors but i know that i am honest towards others so i will be spared from this dreadful anal annihilation called piles but those who are traitors will rot with their putrid hemorrhoids and lose all friends lol

my friends i have neither the literary skill nor the etymology of other stalwarts occupying this platform and by gods grace have a good digestive system but i cannot digest tomfoolery that is why i am here with a caution against constipation which i am sure is one of the causes of insanity and piles that can only be cured by reading more of blogs and reviews lolz

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3 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. couchpapaya April 21, 2009 at 8:38 pm -

    kitne blogs hain, saar?? (in my best blorean accent) …

    this is as funny on repeat reading as it was the first time arnd!!! now will try and avoid the punch tatva’s the third time arnd 😀

    Syrup ek b-log hai mey-dum! (Jaipuri accent)
    Baki sab defunct ho gaya 😀
    Cheers!

  2. SeNtHiL August 3, 2010 at 4:27 pm -

    LOL yaar .. three ‘laughs’ of MOTION 😛
    McDonald se Download nahi hota ??? :O *thanks for warning* 😛 LOL
    U have nicely mixed ur medical terms into this … Good one.. 🙂