Birthday Whooshes



I confess I become dizzy with arousal (an emotional and innocent kind of arousal, so to say) whenever Susie calls out in her husky coconut milk flavoured Mallu accent, and today her pitch had that unique seductive chirp to it that augured a sense of general happiness and robust well being. This girl is something, I tell you. And she was smelling quite strongly of coconuts too.


“Yes Soosie” I extracted myself from my reverie and looked up. Whoa! Susie was standing at the door of my chamber wearing a pair of tight blue jeans and a bright red tee shirt that proudly proclaimed ‘Oops!’ in striking white letters across her voluminous, well, you know, frame. My God! She looked stunning!

jessica-simpson-real-girls-eat-meat-06 2

I doubted if she had indeed chosen the tee shirt for herself. It was quite possible that either Sebastian or Verma had gifted it to her. Sebastian was the shy lab techie with a bushy moustache who watched only aesthetic Mallu movies on his computer when no one was around. Verma, the sly office clerk, preferred western atheletic workouts. Both, I knew, had designs on Susie, and I had on earlier occasions apprehended both of them red handed for trying to slip uncouth love letters into Susie’s purse. Verma had even the gall to write ‘Sozy I will dye far you’  in red ink which he tried to pass off as blood! But you cannot really hoodwink me so easily, you see. I made Verma confess that it was indeed red ink, and as punishment bade him to pay for a round of kachoris and coke that was relished by the whole department, including Phadnis, Dimpy and even the Hospital Director’s peon. But presently, the smell of coconut oil was so overpowering that I couldn’t really take my eyes off Susie’s tee shirt.

“Saar…what are you looking saar?”

My gaze was fixed on the ‘Oops’. Why ‘Oops’? What had spilled over? And it must be Sebastian. Now I remembered. He was untraceable for a couple of hours the day before. The scoundrel must have slipped away to buy this for Susie.

“Saar….o saar! What are you looking saar?”


“What saar?”

“No no….I mean….no…er….not coconut, I wasn’t looking at coconuts….I said you are looking wonderful!” Though I was thoroughly shaken, I barely managed to recover my composure. That was a bad slip of tongue.

“Oh..thank you saar.” Susie smiled coyly.

“Not wearing white today?” I cleared my throat.

“Today is my bird-day saar. I thought I will come to hospital without wearing my dress.”

There was a loud clatter as I choked and dropped my coffee cup, making a mess of things. A lizard, which was lustily eyeing Susie from the roof, quickly disappeared behind the tubelight in deep fright. In trying to move back, I knocked over the examination lamp, kicked a jar of spirit and broke a couple of glass slides on the side table. The spirit jar toppled over, spilling over a litre of the precious thing on the floor. What a waste. Though it was spiked, it was alcohol nevertheless.

“Without wearing your uniform you mean…” I barely croaked. I noticed that my voice, among other things (my back, for example) had gone stiff. 

“Yes saar…” Susie squeaked. Her face was rapidly turning purple (a heady mixture of dusky and crimson, you see).

“Happy Birthday Su….” 

But Susie wasn’t there at the door. She had already disappeared into the adjoining room.

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19 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. allthecrap September 15, 2009 at 9:36 am -

    Y such a abrupt end…I started njoying the post and it was over??

    RI: All good things in life (Susie’s tales included) are like that – you just start to enjoy…and then it’s all over! 😉

  2. Mumbai Diva September 15, 2009 at 10:43 am -

    LOL. Awesome, as usual. Poor Soozie. Would love to know what happened next. And did Verma or Sebastian see her in the saxy T shirt?

    RI: Welcome Mumbai Diva 🙂 I sincerely hope to bring all the events and happenings to you as and when they occur

  3. ~uh~™ September 15, 2009 at 11:11 am -

    “Sozy I will dye far you’ in red ink which he tried to pass off as blood!”
    har har har…

    I was expecting that you will prepare some coconut milk payasam for us to savor on the bird-day, but looks like the bird gave you a hard- day, instead with premature evaporation of all your spirit .
    I demand an alternative ending.

    RI: Coconut milk payasam sounds too tempting. But, how do you cook it? Do you use a flame or do you depend on microbabes microwaves? And, most importantly, how do you crack a coconut open to lay your hands on the milk. Tough questions. I think I will have to seek Dimpy’s honest opinion on the subject.

  4. Tarun Goel September 15, 2009 at 1:19 pm -

    lolzzz saar!!! 😛

    RI: Thanks Tarun 🙂

  5. perplexed September 15, 2009 at 9:12 pm -

    hahaha! yesh yesh…I second ~uh~,i too demand a different ending!!

    RI: The story might have ended differently had the fat lizard dropped on my head. But I promise, you have not heard the last of Susie 😀

  6. maxdavinci September 16, 2009 at 2:51 am -

    it is her budday no, so she will come in civil dress only re.
    this also you not know a? how they allow u inside of hospital ma?

    RI: After the incident, I am budday-wiser 😉
    Oh! They do not allow me, I enter stealthily everyday !

  7. whatsinaname September 16, 2009 at 10:17 pm -

    Lol too hot to handle this spirit of bird day I say. But yeah I feel the same as others. Why the abrupt ending? We want to know more

    RI: Wait wait…! Susie was indeed becoming too hot to handle…that’s why I had to take a break!

  8. Kshitij September 17, 2009 at 1:54 am -

    What??? It’s over? Did she come just to tell you it was her bird day? And is this pic for real? I mean the real sissy…susie i mean?

    RI: The real sissy Susie, I can assure you, is remarkably close in appearance to the girl in the pic 🙂

  9. karishma September 17, 2009 at 2:52 pm -

    hahaha love the blog post :)can’t believe even the lizard was lustily staring :p

    RI: You are welcome 🙂 Er…why can’t lizards lust? It’s pretty normal for lizards to lust I guess 😉

  10. spikeace September 17, 2009 at 2:57 pm -

    this was awesome, doc!

    RI: Thanks Spikey 🙂

  11. Vinay September 17, 2009 at 4:56 pm -

    machaxx blog and equally machaxx post 🙂 .. “sa .. ar” & “bird day” being the macha maxes

    RI: Thanks Vinay. Welcome to my blog.
    Machaxx sounds like a Chinese weapon – a cross between a machete and an axe! 😀

  12. Ms Taggart September 18, 2009 at 8:33 am -

    She is not for real, right? Please tell me so.. 🙂
    And I looove Sebastian’s letter… who shows that much louuu these days, tell?

    RI: Of course she is real! Kind of…..!
    And I do agree with the ‘louuu’ part. Nobody wastes red ink these days 😛

  13. Toon India September 18, 2009 at 1:13 pm -

    ROFLMAO..saar watching the coconuts :D..nice story dude,,btw..I thought lizards are females ,fuck they also have orientation issues 😛

    RI: What? Lizards are females? All lizards are females? You mean lesbian lizards! How horrible! seems even Wiki has no answers 😉

  14. doctoratlarge September 18, 2009 at 11:14 pm -

    With Susie around you seem to have hard days that end softly (just guessing, no hard proofs though)

    RI: Or soft days that end hardly…eh? 😉

  15. kritika September 19, 2009 at 12:23 pm -

    Whats the latest on the Soosy Sebastian Saga???

    RI: I shall be putting up regular updates 🙂

  16. le embrouille blogueur September 22, 2009 at 10:50 am -

    You have been awarded and tagged by me …

    RI: Thanks. Responded.

  17. Mumbai Diva September 30, 2009 at 7:00 pm -

    awarded and tagged….by me too

    RI: Thanks. I shall be coming up with a tagpost soon 🙂

  18. Pappu October 2, 2009 at 3:25 pm -


    RI: Have you chosen the colour? Welcome pappu 🙂

  19. Archi_palego April 18, 2012 at 5:37 pm -

    Bechari Susie. Dear Susie, don’t worry..i completely empathize with you. Not your fault , if ur Doc cant figure out, when ppl wear colour dress.

    RI : Is there a way to subscribe to your posts? Do u post blog links on twitter- following u @Archi_palego