Shapeshifting and animal transformation are gripping themes in folklore, literature and cinema. Satyajit Ray once seriously considered making one of his most brilliant short stories ‘Khagam’ into a tele film. [See here for the plot and here for the audio torrents]. If he’d have made it, I’m sure the makers of Phoonk would have pissed in their pants out of sheer horror. Most shapeshifting dramas in Indian cinema (Nagin, Nagina) have been droll yet commercially successful attempts to cash in on a popular mythological theme, wherein a (widowed) snake woman cuts loose and unleashes a reign of revenge and terror on a motley group of spiteful crooks. Agreed, the technical accomplishments of the 70s and 80s were limited to making a few outlandish efforts of showing snake-human transformation. Why, there was even a ‘Pyasi Nagin’ spoof (shudder) in between! But with the advent of cutting edge SFX and computer generated imagery in today’s era, expectations are bound to be high. So when Jennifer Lynch announced her intent to shoot Naagin (Hissss) with the amply talented (ample and talented?) Miss Mallika Sherawat in the lead, it caused an explosive arousal of platonic interest in the plot. And now that the trailer is out, with a writhing and wriggling Ms Sherawat climbing lamp posts and vying for undivided attention amidst a lot of blood, gore and dripping tropical jungles, the wait is becoming more and more unbearable by the day. Hope the Lynch-Sherawat combo delivers.
Disclaimer: The following is an original work o fart by Rofl Indian. Resemblances to any person, man or woe-man, living or dud, naked or clothed, shaven or unshaven, or even choleric or flatulent, is purely coincidental, unintentional, suppositous, unsubstantial and decidedly imaginery, even by the farthest stretches of distorted imagination.
Swami Rhymedev: An Introduction.
Bolo Swami Rhyme Dev ki Jai! Meaning thereby, let’s chant the sacred name of His Holeyness.
Born as Ghananondo, Swamiji jerked free of all his earthly attachments to the fruits of carnal labour, allowing him to attain a state of supreme abstraction beyond all evil. At the moment of his distillation with Truth, he discovered he could expound in verse, foot around in verse, snoozle in verse, do his holy ablutions in verse, deliver his pathbreaking discourses in verse and generally have a bally time in verse. In other words, he’d become truly versatile. A true disciple of Swamiji, Rofl Indian has taken upon himself the sanctimonious task of spreading Swamiji’s message of spiritual love and tolerance.
Excerpt from Swami Rhymedev’s Book Of Versace Verses; Page 144, upar se teesra verse (third verse from the top). Attention please.
Raa-ni, Mall-licka, Shilpa Shet-ty
All other bimbos, dumb n’ pret-ty
Bare your soul baby, show me your grace
Come hither, exult, in my embrace.
Interpretation: Here, ‘embrace’ is purported to mean a holy embracement of the soul, without causing any embarrassment for either the bimbos or the venerable Swami. In this verse, Swamiji wishes to say that his knowledge of bimbos is the root of all wisdom, the root of all that is sublime and ethereal in the universe. It is the purest form of transcendental knowledge, silky and translucent, and because it gives an insightful perception of the real self by realization, it is the way to ensure perfection of soul.
For a tougher explanation of things, the reader is urged to visit this remarkable page and try to interpret the magical prose there.
Swami Rhymedev has kindly consented to make Rofl Indian’s blog as his sacred abode. We all look forward to having the tidbits of spiritual nectar thrown up by the Baba every now and then.
Jai Baba Rhymedev.
If the following hold true for you, you have a serious drinking problem and you don’t know it.
1. The floor jumps up and hits you on the face with disturbing regularity.
2. The breath analyser finds only slight traces of breath in your breath.
3. When your buddy says ‘Let’s chill out’, you jostle with the refrigerator and try to sit inside it.
4. You pour whiskey on your cornflakes and try eating them with a fork.
5. Mosquitoes fail the flight test after biting you, and crash into walls.
6. Your car seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
7. The fishes in the aquarium pick up an arguement with you, and lose.
8. You discover you’re left with two left feet, and then you are unable to find them too.
9. You light a cigarette, pull at the burning end and wonder why your tongue tastes like a barbecued frog.
10. Job interferes with your drinking.
11. The 5 blood groups, according to you, are O, OM (Old Monk), A, B and, ummm….. XYZ(?). Maybe.
12. You focus better with one eye closed.
13. You type a lulid rulid lurid message on your mobile….and send it to your wife.
14. You open the laptop and find alphabet keys all over the screen.
15. The doc examines your butt for your piles and fissure problem and writes the diagnosis ‘KING FISSURE’.
16. Friends armed with fire extinguishers have to stand at a safe distance as you blow out your birthday candles.
17. The trouser you’re wearing suddenly appears to have developed too many pockets.
18. You see your image in the mirror and mistake it to be a burgler.
19. Vijay Mallaya calls you and advises you to cut down on booze.
20. You forget what ‘Bottoms up’ means and endeavour to heave your backside northwardly whenever that is uttered.
Vijay Mallaya: Trademark Beered!