If the following hold true for you, you have a serious drinking problem and you don’t know it.
1. The floor jumps up and hits you on the face with disturbing regularity.
2. The breath analyser finds only slight traces of breath in your breath.
3. When your buddy says ‘Let’s chill out’, you jostle with the refrigerator and try to sit inside it.
4. You pour whiskey on your cornflakes and try eating them with a fork.
5. Mosquitoes fail the flight test after biting you, and crash into walls.
6. Your car seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
7. The fishes in the aquarium pick up an arguement with you, and lose.
8. You discover you’re left with two left feet, and then you are unable to find them too.
9. You light a cigarette, pull at the burning end and wonder why your tongue tastes like a barbecued frog.
10. Job interferes with your drinking.
11. The 5 blood groups, according to you, are O, OM (Old Monk), A, B and, ummm….. XYZ(?). Maybe.
12. You focus better with one eye closed.
13. You type a lulid rulid lurid message on your mobile….and send it to your wife.
14. You open the laptop and find alphabet keys all over the screen.
15. The doc examines your butt for your piles and fissure problem and writes the diagnosis ‘KING FISSURE’.
16. Friends armed with fire extinguishers have to stand at a safe distance as you blow out your birthday candles.
17. The trouser you’re wearing suddenly appears to have developed too many pockets.
18. You see your image in the mirror and mistake it to be a burgler.
19. Vijay Mallaya calls you and advises you to cut down on booze.
20. You forget what ‘Bottoms up’ means and endeavour to heave your backside northwardly whenever that is uttered.
Vijay Mallaya: Trademark Beered!
lolzzz
18 and 19 are the best.
RI: Thanks 🙂
6 and 7 are wesome..good going bro..nice one!!!!… 🙂
RI: Thanks AL 🙂 Keep visiting.
19 is the best! A lot of research seems to have gone into the writeup…ha..ha!!
RI: The research was unaided, self funded and unapproved by the ethics committee until I gve them a party 😉 Thanks for visiting.
ha ha ha ha! These are priceless! Can Mallaya put the art on the Force India F1 car?????!!!
RI: Great idea Spike. I am thinking of forwarding this to Mallaya himself 😉
ROFL @ 7 & 8 ..
Personal Experience ????? 😉
RI: Not necessarily. A man learns from others’ experiences too 😉
#16 – hahaha!! some intense research you must’ve done doc! nice work 😛
RI: Thanks 🙂 Intense indeed 😛
Speaking from experience are we?
RI: Research experience, you may say 😛
there’s one I can think of
when you can no longer pee on a cigarette butt or a camp fire without resulting in a serious fire hazard!
RI: Lol! Or “When your car stalls because of zero fuel, you may pee in the petrol tank and reach the nearest gas station!” 😀
Good one Max
LMAO..dude these are just out of this world..you rock I particularly liked this..The breath analyser finds only slight traces of breath in your breath.
one more…you can now dance even to the breaking news of India TV :P..from experience:)!!
RI: I do accept this. India TV does thoroughly ‘BREAK’ the news. 😛
he he he! superb!
waiting to see Haathis comment on this!
Can excessive kaapi drinking lead to all this too? Gosh I am worried 😉
RI: Kaapi? I guess not. That’s innocuous.
Haathi? I’m going to be trampled 😉
and i can think of one more!
….. when you cannot differentiate between Rakhi Sawant and Deepika 😉
RI: Or…”can differentiate between Rakhi and Deepika only by looking at them through the bottom of a beer pitcher” Lol!
The King-fissure has a sparkling resemblance to the author. What a bubbly post!
RI: To whom? The one on the table…or the one standing and staring? 😀
agree with vidooshak 🙂
I thought so too!
RI: Duh!
:)) lolz. . that was really nice …
RI: Thanks NF 🙂 Welcome to my blog.
😀
RI: Geez! I thought you had boarded a submarine and gone for a deep dive below the Arctic! Good to see ya back 🙂
this author’s brain is so fertile that we need not worry about the looming famine.
RI: Seriously, you do not intend to have my head ploughed and manured, do you?
Man..you actually wrote that! 3, 5, 9, 13, 16…were the ROFL’most ones 🙂
RI: Thanks. No. 13 is my personal favourite as well 😛
I can’t laugh on this serious issue. I have to say that your imagination is far from the truth.
I started writing my comment and it went so long that I had to make it a dedicated post on my blog- AEIOU ¿ ®.
Please read the Myths and Truths about Boozer’s Problem.
Cheers!
~uh~
RI: Of course, this is quite a serious matter. But I cannot accept your dismissal of my observations as being imaginery and conjectural. While dealing with intangibles, some degree of exaggeration is not uncalled for, and I sincerely believe in not having erred at calling a frog a frog and a fish a fish 😀
You post promises to be exhaustive and instructive. I shall promptly read that and offer my considered opinion on the subject.
On second read i feel #7 can be somewhat true. Only that the fish transforms to mermaid, depending on how many has been downed.
Oh, I forgot to mention that the cartoons were great. Especially Mallaya’s. He has to grin and beer it.
RI: 😀
Good list.. I remember doing couple of these before.. so I guess I had the problem! 😛
RI: Not necessarily. You have to score more than 50% to qualify for that hallowed niche 😀
hahahahaha….
i died laughing…
12 % 15 is THE BEST!!!!
2 good!!!
RI: Welcome Rahul. Thanks for appreciating 🙂
y m i reading this blog when m drunk. every letter repeats in front of my eyes….hehehehe
RI: That’s actually a good point you make. Double vision should be a part of any testing algo 🙂
heheh..tested..I m not having any prob 😛
rofl @ point 7 😀
and vijay uncles pic is deadly 😛
RI: Good. I hope the testing process was scrupulous and unbiased 😀
Thanks for appreciating Uncle Mallaya’s new avataar 🙂
hey those are really good. king fissure funny!!
RI: Thanks Lynn for visiting my blog and writing a nice comment. 🙂
I remember a WILLS Cigarette ad which said ‘Live Life KINGSIZE’! OMG!
Hilarious ! Esp like the last point 🙂
RI: Welcome to my blog 🙂
Interesting point you make there. I imagine in such a position, one is quite at risk of getting thoroughly booted around! 😀
Oh well.. I am just back from UdtaHaathi’s.. and his first point, and the others he wrote kinda put me in the niche category.. 😛
RI: In that case, you can’t be denied the honour ! 😛
LOL.
Actually, # 5 and # 16 are totally ROFLing.
RI: Thanks 🙂
Welcome to my blog WB. Both of your choices reflect your dexterity in disaster management 🙂
hahaha!!! classic!! 😀
tongue tastes like a barbecued frog LOL!
height of drunkeness…!!! Mosquitoes fail the flight test after biting you, and crash into walls.
You see your image in the mirror and mistake it to be a burgler.
trust me when i say i know ppl to whom this has happened!! 😀
but the best part was vijay mallya’s caricature… it rocks! 😀
RI: Thanks 😀 I hope no one as yet has tried to shoot a burgler in that state!
Doc…
15 was d best…i mean the best !
Thanks 🙂 You’re the only one to have appreciated #15. Its my pers favourite too !
Nice humorous post!
RI: Thanks Ashish. Welcome to my blog
Insanely hilarious. Love each and every point in the post.
RI: Thanks varun. Welcome to my blog 🙂
Very nice post. Very good observation.
RI: Thanks Ravi. Welcome 🙂
You rock !! Gonna translate this on my blog some time 🙂