Meeky Mouse

“उह्…. मुझे यह् computer नही चाहिये … इसका mouse छोटा है !”

The girl sitting next to me in the cyber cafe yelled in disgust and stood up in evident anger, pushing back her chair with such force that it nearly toppled over. I had just settled down at my cubicle and had barely glanced at the day’s developments on my monitor, when this mini tempest ruffled my rather tranquil feathers, and forced me to turn my attention towards her, something I rarely do in a cyber cafe except when besotted by extraordinarily alluring company.

I was tempted to ask “क्या आपको छोटा माउस पसन्द नही ….and can’t you be happy and contented with what you have got? After marriage, would you ask for a new husband when you find out that he too ain’t got a computer with as big a mouse as you had dreamt of”, but I preferred to remain silent as I saw the café owner fast approaching with a startled look on his face.

The girl repeated her demand, this time with a distinct sneer and contempt in her voice.

 “देखिये, मुझे ये वाला नही चाहिये . इसका screen dull है और mouse भी बहुत छोटा है . आप मुझे कोई बड़े mouse वाला computer दे रहे हैं या मैं जाऊँ ?”

The café owner’s pride seemed hurt  at the threat “अरे madam …mouse की size से क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है ? काम तो इससे भी बढ़िया होता है..” I agreed. For a man, the screen and the mouse are sensitive issues, and no one likes to have his mouse rejected merely because of size! And speaking of bright screens, why do women forget that a dull screen actually spares the eyes from undue strain, and while bright screens may look funky and handsome, they may turn out to be quite unfaithful and associated with divorce diverse complications. Anyway, the girl had her way, and her demands were promptly fulfilled.  The sleepy cyber café soon returned to the placid silence of the humming air conditioners, and things were normal again.

I returned my attention to the monitor. But the turbulence in my mind was far from settled. After all, the girl had stirred (girls usually stir a lot of things) a host of queries in my mind which needed answers.  Come to think of it, had there been no mouse, would the accomplishments of Bill Gates or of Google’s bosses been half as ‘note’worthy as they are now? Without the mouse, the Sensex wouldn’t really have got a chance to screw us and all of Satyam’s assests would still have been intact. Imagine the impact it would have if Big B wrote in his blog.… “मै और मेरा माउस अक्सर यह् बातें करते हैं….”  If I had my way, no girl on this earth would ever have said “मुझे  छोटा mouse नही चाहिये”.

I absentmindedly caressed the fêted tool itself. Though it’s quite unassuming to look at, the computer mouse is one of  the most important pieces of hardware. Personally, I prefer the old fashioned ones with balls. It’s nice and heavy to hold, and is quite comfortable to work with. Moreover, the one with balls is good at pointing, and seldom wavers from the target, although it needs some spirited cleansing of the ball every now and then to ensure faithful performance with each stroke. The optical ones with fancy LEDs may be sleek and lighter, but they are fearfully notorious on slippery surfaces (like glass, granite and satin) and quite prone to drifting unpredictably with occasionally frightful consequences (some websites which you do not wish to open in the presence of your bosses may inadvertantly open with resultant misconfusions).

And of course there are laptops, where you don’t need the mouse and the ball at all (sigh!); only a few deft caresses of the nimble finger is enough to fire up the flames of digital passion.

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16 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. ~uh~™ July 22, 2009 at 4:25 pm -

    The best is the wireless version, no strings attached !
    Unfortunately wireless ones are always without balls, hence meekier.
    Agree with the hayware direction sense of optical mouse, especially on sensitive websites 😉
    I remember ages ago laptops used to come with a thing called ‘track ball’ ( like an overturned mouse with its ball upwards)- and for some unknown reasons women preferred them !

    RI: Hmmm. Its got to do with habit you see…. 😛

  2. witsnnuts July 22, 2009 at 9:59 pm -

    Well well well …
    all i have to say – “Good one” *still analyzing the various meanings* ..

    Cheers 😀

    RI: :O!

  3. Ekta khetan July 22, 2009 at 11:12 pm -

    Er1 Ahem…What actually were you trying to say?
    BTW how about laser mouse or the fact that a lot of laptop users still prefer using a mouse? 🙂

    RI: Never mind. This is all crap anyway 😀 I was just frying my thoughts in a sticky frying pan!
    Of course many laptop users still prefer using a mouse. its all a question of old habits dying hard!

  4. le embrouille blogueur July 23, 2009 at 7:10 am -

    Want to correct UH … some laptops still come with “balls” …you need to mention it when you build your “pick” … and they still work really better than the “small” or “enormous” sized mouse …. all you gotta do is control the “ball” with the tip of your fingers….ROFL … you are banned from the computer center …lol !!

    RI: Banned? O!! 😀

    • ~uh~™ July 23, 2009 at 10:58 am -

      Yeah, the ‘touch pad’ or ‘track ball’ is inbuilt, but the retractable tiny mouse is preferred by me. I have this fear that eventually my index finger will loose it’s ‘print’ as result of the friction with the touch pad……

  5. Jayaraman July 23, 2009 at 8:53 am -

    You rock dude. Your girl in the cafe reminds me about women in the medical shop in your Japani Thel post. Way to go (or is it come). Beware, Digital passion ignition could lead to Digital inflammation.

    RI: Lol! Good that you reminded me. The japs tel tale is still incomplete!

  6. allthecrap July 23, 2009 at 9:02 am -

    this one was hillarious… 🙂
    Even my gf prefer mouse with ‘ball’ and she doesn’t mind that she got a small mouse… :p

    RI: Is there even a remote possibility that your gf will ever read this? 😉

  7. Nidarshana July 23, 2009 at 1:34 pm -

    PS: I’m also a mouse person. Touchpads don’t do for me.

    RI: O! Lol. Thanks for visiting

  8. Amrita~ams July 23, 2009 at 6:44 pm -

    heheh gals stir a lot :P:P..i agree
    rofl i rofl @ post 😀

    RI: Lol 😛

  9. Ramya Ranee July 24, 2009 at 1:48 pm -

    “while bright screens may look funky and handsome, they may turn out to be quite unfaithful and associated with divorce diverse complications.”
    Haha… Saw right through this one. Insane analogies you have used here. Stumbled upon this blog by accident and I must say, I’m laughing while getting treated for the wounds incurred!

    RI: Welcome Ramya 🙂 Hope the ‘accident’ hasn’t left you bruised…lol!
    Thanks for commenting. 🙂

  10. amit July 24, 2009 at 9:58 pm -

    Laptops are just like cheap porn. They can never replace the advantages of a mouse, big or small. 😉

    RI: By that analogy, the Apple Mac would appear like a yearly subscription to Hustler 😉 But yeah, a mouse is a mouse 🙂

  11. Tarun Goel August 6, 2009 at 4:31 pm -

    I found at least one hundred meaning in this single post and I am still unsure what is the exact message, or may be it is coded 🙂

    RI: Welcome Tarun :-). I’m just extolling the virtues of the mouse you see 😛

  12. ~uh~™ August 12, 2009 at 3:24 pm -

    Just a value add, thought this story about Balls’ Inspector would go well with this post.

    RI: Lol. It goes well with THIS post as well!

  13. The Count August 26, 2009 at 2:22 pm -

    Hey, I’ve read this same stuff before. Unless you are some ‘Sudipto’, this stuff is so very plagiarized! Read it at a reviews website. Sorry, my first comment had to be such.

    • Rofl Indian August 26, 2009 at 6:10 pm -

      Welcome aboard Count. Remarkable observation. That you have cared to remember the post is in itself a matter of immense satisfaction for me.
      Well, you may find many more write ups here which appeared on the said website earlier. I hope you get the drift 😀

      • The Count August 27, 2009 at 3:29 pm -

        Oh, ok! Yes, got the drift! Well, how can one forget such amazing write-ups? Keep pen-n-i-ng! 🙂 Cheers!

        RI: Thanks 🙂