The butterfly in your stomach starts to wiggle…slowly at first, and then with rustic vigour. The night of reckoning is here. You have been waiting for this blissful moment all these months, preparing mentally, blushing perhaps a shade at the subtle innuendoes, and now, as the moment approaches, you want to savour every second of it…in eager anticipation of the delightful pleasures that await you beyond those red embroidered curtains.
The ambience is just perfect. Dimly lit, warm enough to loosen your inhibitions and let your enzymes gush, yet with a hint of chill to restrain your hormones from going all out. This is February. Cupid’s month. You look at her; the gaze has a mischievous shyness. Are you acting coy? Maybe. You are surprised at her bold smile, and take it as a sign of permissiveness for all the naughty indulgences that you have in your mind. You inhale deeply. Her perfumes make you wild. Blue Lady? There is another scent, strong, sharp, coming from somewhere deep within. It fills your nostrils and seethes into every tissue of your body. You go wild. Sniff it out like a Labrador in heat. Feel like braying out loudly and happily. Only if God had made you a donkey. Like the one in Shrek! Suddenly, reality strikes. You shrug and take control of yourself before it goes out of hand. Literally. These pleasures are to be enjoyed slowly, not ravished gluttonously like an ape.
The moment arrives. All pretensions are over. You have got what you had dreamed of all along. And asked for. Providence has been generous with you. “Wait until I tell my colleagues about this…the buggers will die of jealousy”, you tell yourself, smiling secretly. A night out with your beautiful partner. Heavenly. You like what you see. Its there for the taking. Your juices run amok. Your gaze is fixed on the treasures lying before you. Such perfect roundness? Such warm and succulent flesh? You close your eyes and take one in your mouth. The aroma enters your bloodstream, giving you an electrifying feeling. She is smiling. Tender love. Wants to give you all the pleasures in life. That’s why she is here. Enjoying your company. You take another in your mouth. Next its her turn. Let her enjoy too.
You run your finger on the soft curves. You twiddle and tease the inaccessible places with your fingertips. The resistance dissolves, slowly, gradually. You then lick your warm and soaked fingers….ummmmm….delightful. Your mouth is having a field day. So is hers. Now its time to move to more serious stuff. Put your muscles into some real action. In – out. Out – in. Then in and out again.
It goes on for next half hour or so. You are lost in each other, beyond words, making little grunts and noises every now and then. The world dissolves around you. Has anybody been watching? Two hoots. You feel like exploding soon. Every nerve in your body is twitching with pleasure. Its almost the same with her, only her vocal responses have been somewhat muted. You have attained the pinnacle of pleasure. The evening has kept its promises.
It then comes….from deep within you. The Explosion. Starts as a ripple, which engulfs your entire body in no time. You almost shake with the violent force of it. Every muscle of your body aches – first with pleasure…then with agony! It hits you initially as a long, and inexorable catharsis, then continues as wave after wave of multiple short bursts….
BURRRRRRRRP…… BURRRRRP……… BURRRP….
Heavenly MURGASM… or rather MURG-HAZAM
(Murgasm / Murg-hazam: Resounding burp released after gorging on a large helping of assorted non vegetarian foodstuff, but principally chicken © Rofl Indian)
You feel satiated. Drained of all strength. And go limp. You want to go to sleep…. She seems perplexed.
“Are you okay?”
“Told you a hundred times to avoid eating so much ….but you won’t listen to me”
“What was the need to order kababs, chicken fry and mutton korma together (frown)”…
“BaDi giye ENO kheye niyo” (Have ENO after reaching home)
“Shall I drive?”
You are actually beyond words…and only barely able to nod in agreement.
The description above recounts the true experience of the blogger at The Handi, one of Jaipur’s most famous restaurants (dim lighting, ethnic look, great ambience, great non veg food, affordable prices, frequented by foreigners). The fragrance that wafted down to the dining tables and hit the author’s nostrils was that of the tandoor, which caused a virtual riot of the digestive enzymes. ‘Perfect roundness’ alluded to Galouti Kebabs, a Lakhnawee delicacy, perfected by the chefs at Handi. ‘Soft curves’ referred to chicken legs, in case you thought otherwise. In – out, out – in referred to hand – mouth coordination associated with the act of eating and nothing else. The reader is advised to read the review again in light of the concluding revelations and clear his/her dirty misunderstandings…if any.
This was first posted elsewhere.