Pinching Pennies in Recession: The Way To Do It.

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“If you want to survive the recession…” the Hospital Director rose from his chair, slapped the table hard and thundered “…you must start pinching pennies from today.”

We had gathered at the auditorium to listen to a pep talk from the Hospital management. They had planned to discuss revenues, litigation problems, rising cost of healthcare, doctor – nurse patient relationships and missile-anus (that’s how the Director pronounced ‘miscellaneous’) other issues, but ended up spending the whole afternoon discussing IPL and recession. As I was not quite inclined to dig into the snacks, which had turned cold anyway, I ambled back to my chamber, with Susie in toe.

“Saar?”

“Yes Soo-ssie”

“What did Director saab say today?”

“What did he say!?”

“He said something about recess…”

“Recession?”

“Yes, that.”

“So?”

“No….I mean what he said about that recess or whatever……I cannot do saar….final”

“Come on…what he said is quite reasonable. And I feel its the best thing to do in difficult times.”

“No saar.”

“What no saar? Oh come on Susie” I tried to reason with her, “Director saab is a wise man. He has seen more ups and downs in life than the both of us. And what he said isn’t very difficult to follow in life!”

“No saar. I cannot do that. You can do it if you want. Final.”

“Can I know why?”

“Saar I cannot tell you why, but if Hospital forces me to do that, I will complain to Nurse Union.”

Susie sat down on her chair with a nasty frown on her face. I was getting increasingly exasperated at  her obduracy. This girl needed to understand that pinching pennies was the best way to beat recession. Just don’t splurge on those bucketfuls of lipstick, perfume and sandals and you shall end up saving a decent amount of money.

“Okay Susie…I see that you are agitated.” I sat down next to her and patted her in the back in a …well….friendly kind of way. “I think we can sort it out. It is, after all, not as difficult as you are thinking…”

The frown on Susie’s face only aggravated.

“See, I’ll tell you. Once you know how to do it, you’ll rather enjoy the whole thing.”

“Saar, please….I don’t want to know….and I don’t want to enjoy also.” Susie was almost tearful.

“Soo-ssie! This is most unfortunate. You have to listen to me. You must start pinching pennies as Director saab told us or you must be prepared to face hard times. After all, it is our duty to pinch pennies, and we must spread the message across to the society too. You, me, all of us have to pinch pennies.  The Prime Minister has to pinch pennies, Obama has to pinch pennies, the whole freaking world has to pinch pennies if we are to survive the recession…”

That was a rather impressive speech. Susie looked up.

“Saar, are you sure it is good for my job?’

“Sure!”

“No one will complain naa…saar?”

“Come on Susie…..why should anyone complain?”

“Is it part of treatment saar?

“Of course, Susie” I patted her back yet again, this time in a friendlier way. “Some treatments are really difficult!”

“It is painful saar..”

“I know it is painful Susie. But we must overcome fear and pain if we are to crush our worries and secure a bright  future for ourselves, our families and and our profession.” I was nearly choking with emotion.

“Okay saar. If you really say so, I will do it.” Susie appeared to make up her mind.

“Wonderful! You must begin today!”

“Saar, I will do it today only. Will I have to do it with my hand or with the forceps?”

Now what was this? What has forceps got to do with recession? I knew nurses have a habit of trying to do everything with forceps…but this??

“Whatever suits you Susie.”

“Okay saar. If it is part of treatment, I will do it. Whose penis do I have to pinch first in the recess saar? Director saab’s?”

.

.

.

Thud!

 

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19 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. ~uh~™ March 30, 2009 at 10:25 am -

    If all soossies start pinching pennies with forceps, it will clearly work like a slow-job to stop the irresponsible expansion plans of industry bigdicks.
    ROFL innuendos.

    Cheers!
    ~uh~

    Hahaha. Then the cost accountants will surely grow in impotence.

  2. rambodoc March 30, 2009 at 2:35 pm -

    Great post! Susie will be nursing a grouse after she is handed a pink slip that will take away all her hard-earned happenis.
    😀

    No doubt; the Director’s pen is mightier than Soosie’s swords 😀

  3. rahul March 30, 2009 at 4:09 pm -

    Saar , please allow Soosiee to pinch Director Saab’s pen*** this order would be annulled the next day , with some medical aid and a warning for Soosie :P..lolz

    Awesome post!!

    Poor Susie, no one would ever dare to give her a new pinch for anything! Welcome Rahul 🙂

  4. Nutty Martian March 30, 2009 at 10:37 pm -

    Now should I go ROFL or LMAO .. Thank god she cleared the doubt with you. What if she tried it first. Poor Director saab!
    ROFL

    Welcome Nutty Martian. That left ME in great doubt. I happen to be far more accessible to Susie than the Director. Ugh!! :p

  5. Arbitmind March 30, 2009 at 10:51 pm -

    😀
    ROTFL

    Poor Victims of Penny Pinching

    How I wish I could upload a pic of the Director, after his pennies got pinched! Welcome Arbitmind 😀

  6. whatsinaname March 31, 2009 at 10:29 am -

    ROFL! err… were you happy/sad when she decided to try it on director first and not you? 😛 I guess no comment lol
    And I am wondering what THE Director Saab had actually intended hehehe!

    I almost trebled …er….I mean….trembled at the thought! Welcome 😀

  7. Vidooshak March 31, 2009 at 11:56 am -

    If only the solution to this slow down was as easy as Susie (i mean, as Susie’s THINKING). We could save trillions on arming the US Forces and make them march around Iraq and Af-Pak empty-handed, pinching pennies. Even Dick WagonR could have saved his.. er.. job if only he had pinched the right pennies. You are doing a great disservice to world by hiding Susie in that hospital, doc. She could be out there saving the world!

    Even Director Saab would prove to be a great asset for Obama. Remember the missile-anus programs he schemes up from time to time!

  8. Smita March 31, 2009 at 7:40 pm -

    *chuckles and decides to say no more* 😉

  9. Abha April 1, 2009 at 11:26 am -

    and was there a warning somewhere that under 18 not allowed! 😉

    Doc, only YOU could have given pebby pinching a whole new meaning! and i cant think of a single smart pun! bah!

    cheers!

    Welcome Abha. Pebby pinching? 😀

  10. Dinesh Babu April 10, 2009 at 11:59 pm -

    Oh man this was stomach hurting laughter and I had the idea of the post half way through it!

    lol…thanks.

  11. Spike May 27, 2009 at 4:11 am -

    That was very punny! 😛

  12. Ms Taggart July 3, 2009 at 12:38 am -

    ROFL! Totally!

    Man.. is she for real, or are you that good a writer! 🙂

    Rofl Indian: Thanks Ms. Taggart for the appreciation. It means a lot to me 🙂

  13. Durga Nandan July 23, 2009 at 1:39 pm -

    ROTFLs!! Really.. I choked. 😀
    That was a real good one. 🙂
    Cheerz!
    DN

    RI: Welcome DN 🙂 Thanks for appreciating 🙂

  14. The Count August 27, 2009 at 3:43 pm -

    Where is your hospital, saar? Hope Soosie is not using the forcep 🙂

    RI: No way. I’ve already hidden it 🙂

  15. doctoratlarge September 10, 2009 at 10:26 pm -

    you are the undoubted master of it (I don’t mean pinching pennies)

    RI: After you 🙂

  16. Gabriela May 12, 2013 at 1:39 am -

    Hey! Someone in my Facebook group shared this site with us so I came to
    look it over. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this
    to my followers! Terrific blog and excellent style and design.

  17. reader August 3, 2013 at 11:49 pm -

    Super hilarious as always! If laughter is the best medicine, thou art truly a great doctor!