Susie Makes Some Coffee (U/A)

“Saar…coffee.” 

Susie’s steamy whisper hung over the wisps of instant coffee as she poured me a cup of the piping concoction. It was a chilly morning and she was arched precariously over my table, her rather large pair of cute cherry blossoms (cheeks, I hasten to add, in case you thought otherwise) oozing enough warmth to cook the cockles of my quivering heart. I may have inadvertently stared at them just for a moment or two, I admit. Then, all of a sudden, it became so sultry that my ears turned crimson, the heart began to thrash about like a fish, the head started spinning and I had to take my eyes off to prevent my poor little sang-froid from becoming all shaken and stirred so early in the morning. 

“Thanksss….Ssusssy..” I squeaked, and took a sip, trying hard to dismiss racy thoughts of Susie hunched over me and lovingly pouring coffee into a couple of oversized cups from a large pair of jugs (steel jugs, that is) which she held with both hands in a very suggestive manner.

“Saar…..” Susie said, tossing some coffee for herself. 

I was still lost in thoughts, trying to wriggle away from a clutch of titillating visuals involving myself, Susie, and some spilled coffee on the table. But it was a futile exercise. No matter how hard (our hospital director often says ‘how hardly’) I tried, the images kept flooding my noddle with perturbing regularity. Not that I was complaining much, though. 

“Saar…O saar!” 

“Uh…yes?” 

“What are you thinking so seriously saar?”

“Jugs…” 

“What… saar?” 

“No..aa…co.. coffee…I mean your jug…your coffee jugs” I stammered.

“Saar…this is flask saar! No jugs here saar….what are you saying saar?” 

“Oho! Is this a flask? Well…well….it does look like a flask! Even I thought so….! Hmm….hmmm….how wonderful” I said, quite in a shaking voice. It was a narrow escape.

Eyeing me with considerable consternation, Susie straightened up, adjusted her tunic with a tantalising pull at the sides, and inspite of my best efforts to hide behind a stack of journals, noticed the blush on my ears. “Saar….! Your ear is looking very red! Feeling alright saar?” She reached out and patted my left ear lobe. 

“O Wow! You ears are so hot!” she said teasingly. 

Now, ‘hot in the ear’ isn’t exactly the kind of compliment that rugged, robust men like me expect from well-stacked bimbettes on a crisp January morning, particularly when their tender sang-froids have been tickled recently. Didn’t Susie know that there are many other pragmatic measures that can tasty testi testify to a man’s virility? 

Useful ways to test a man’s virility

So, not really knowing whether to feel flattered or flummoxed, I backed away from her touch, scared at the sudden realisation that she might proceed to tinker with my other honorable appendages (like the nose, for example) to ascertain if they too were hot, suffused and throbbing. With Susie around, things were really unpredictable. 

“Saar….why does ear wonly become hot saar?” Susie quizzed me with innocent mischief, drawing up her chair close to mine. 

“No no Susie….it’s not only the ear that turns red….there are quite a few other…..” I began in earnest excitement, only to realise that I was being led into a quagmire of interrogation by my own subordinate nursey, who would undoubtedly proceed to share the minutes of such an intimate exchange with Nikki the receptionist. Nikki was a stunning blonde (only her hair was black) who had joined the hospital a couple of weeks back. Though we had exchanged a few pleasantries while crossing each other’s baths paths, I was yet to gain a secure foothold at her promising doorstep, so to speak. So I clammed up and began whistling. 

“Saar…O saar! You would not tell me why wonly the ear becomes hot?”  

“Susie, these are uncomfortable questions….” I told her firmly, and finished my coffee.

“Why uncomfortable saar?” Susie batted her eyelashes at me and persisted.  

“Okay Susie….if you really wish to know, it’s this.” I explained. “Redness of the ears, hotness of the cheeks and wetness of certain body parts, I mean like the tongue and eyes, are purely impressionistic, and at best only subjective approximations of emotional arousal that have nothing to do with physically measurable estimates of the physiological response to visually appealing stimuli, thereby calling into question the very foundations of such an attempt to quantify abstract attributes of a stirred up horny carcass objectively….you see!” 

“Whoa…mamma!”  Susie gasped.

“I hope that answers your question Susie….” I observed with a bit of resolve. “Next, I’d explain to you the physical changes of the human body associated with hot ears and how an change in blood supply to the skin results in piloerection ….”

Susie hurriedly made her way to the door. “Saar…there are three patients waiting outside….I’ll send them won by won…” she said, and disappeared into the the next room.

I could still make out that her ears too had turned crimson.

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11 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. Rishi B January 14, 2010 at 7:20 pm -

    Ha HA.. LMAO

    been njoying this blog for quite a while…

    RI: Thanks Rishi. Welcome to my blog 🙂

  2. cutting_chai January 14, 2010 at 8:16 pm -

    I wonder why I dont find your stuff sleazy….just v funny!! Also, never knew doctors have this thing about nurses….i thought it was the juniors in the next batch!!Heh..Heh!

    RI: Thanks. You seem to have some knowledge about ‘doc-dynamics’ 🙂 ….yes, as medical students, there is ofcourse a mad rush among the eligible bachelors to attract the attention of junior ladies, but once in the profession, a little bit of ‘healthy’ flirting with nurses is not really unheard of. 🙂

  3. TG January 15, 2010 at 7:43 am -

    lol
    Doxxab!! What about the resolutions?

    RI: Hehe, they still stand. 😉

  4. Whatsinaname January 15, 2010 at 11:04 am -

    ha ha ha ha
    I am wondering what could be the hindi title for this post.
    Garam kaan ki dastaan? 😉

    RI: Or ‘Kaan Ke Bhadakte Jalwe!’ Lol!

  5. Ms Taggart January 16, 2010 at 4:38 pm -

    My regular question – Is Susie for real? 🙂
    For the dumb blonde that she is, she sure knows how to get out of sticky situations!

    RI: On the contrary, it is I who has to wriggle out of the sticky wickets! 😉
    On the question whether she is for real, I’d really like to have your considered opinion based on what you have read so far 😀

  6. cuttingchai January 18, 2010 at 3:34 pm -

    I am one of the breed, so have the inside knowledge!! Carry On Doc!

    RI: O! Then I suppose we are birds of the same feather 😉

  7. Gyanban January 19, 2010 at 7:18 am -

    Woh Kaan thi ? alas the sussies I know vonly make sujis and but youe Sussie is von halwa gal!

    RI: It all depends on how you cook it 😉

  8. cuttingchai January 22, 2010 at 6:48 pm -

    Rather I am the bird and you are the chick!!

    RI: 😀

  9. lifelike February 1, 2010 at 2:20 am -

    ROFLMAO…..You Soosie is definitely won of a kind….being a Keralite meself never met any Soosie that fits ur description..Keep the blogs coming mate….

    RI: O! Thanks for the compliments. Susie would be glad to hear that 😀

  10. viyoma April 18, 2012 at 5:07 pm -

    Bong & his Keralite Muse ( i mean, in terms of writing) Too Good.