Bongspeak

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Kolkattaiya English has a unique rasogolla like flavour, maachher kaaliya (fish korma) like aroma and jhalmoori (spiced up puffed rice) like tangy finish. Nothing but an exotic delight of linguistic cuisine. If you have seen Baappida on stage (Haamey toomse pair keetna)….or Pranob babu bifor da Parlaament (Da Gobharment is bhery seriaas about tackeling da resheshaan), you’d know what I propose to say.

Ask a Bong about life in general, and he would break into a sentimental rhapsody…

In nineteen sebenty phibe, howen I owaas seben eaars old, I owaas chased by a beeg stray dog, and I litarally ran across tha Howrah Breej in fipteen sekends. I think I ran phastaar than Carl Leewis! Had tha gobharment chosen me phor 100 mitaar race in Olimpic, I would hab brought a Gold Medel phor Bharot!

Ask a Bong if he smokes or drinks…..

Smoking? Only waan packet paar day. Uills Classic. Modira? O…I am bhery selectib about drinks. I prephaar only Old Monk Raam or Tich-arse Choice huiski. Naathing else. No beer teer or bhodka phodka. And waan peg only bephore dinnar. Aare Robithakur himselp wrote about huiski…

Deshe onnojoler holo ghor onoton …..Dhoro huiski soda aar moorgi moton! Hahahaha.

You know….littil bit of drinking is actuaali good for haart! And shaala my wife daas not allau me to drink more. Bheri alaart……hahahahaha!!

Enquire about his passions…..

Phutball…I laabh phutball. Mohon Bagan. I jaast laabh their green and howite outphit! Howen I waas in college, I played phor their B team. And then shaala I got married…that ruined my dreem of playing phor Mohon Bagan. And cricket?…Cricket is jaast hopeless. No team ephort! Ebhrybody wants to do adbhartisement! See Sri Lonka…reached tha phainaal!

And on fidelity….

It is bhery important to be phaithphul in marriage. We hab so meny phimale colleagues….it is so easy to be dibharted! Baat, you maast show discipline eour selph. So, my rule of thaamb is – abhoid eye contact. All contacts begin uith eye contact. So, when you are talking to a phimale colleague, don’t ebhaar look into the eyes…look elsewhare…I mean look aaway.

And finally, whom does he actually admire…

Mai-kell Jaksaan (aha-bechaara), Ronaaldino, Maradona, Ko-peel Deb, Maadhuri, Omitabb, Shourob, Shochin, Mollika Sheraoaat (uff), Mondira Bedi, Bhibh Richaard, Shakira (ufff…mairee!), Aambani, Bipasha, and meny more…shob shalaar naam ki mone thakey!

This delightful conversation may go on and on and on….

Bappida pronob

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46 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. le embrouille blogueur July 1, 2009 at 6:40 am -

    I am on the floor …..this is the funniest piece you ever dared to kill us with …. “unbeelibable”….”phata phati”…especially the “ufff…mairee”..lol !!!

    • Rofl Indian July 1, 2009 at 11:52 pm -

      Unfortunately, it is very difficult to translate ‘Mairee’ to english…! 😉

  2. witsnnuts July 1, 2009 at 7:54 am -

    Ha ha …
    But the language is so good to listen, just like Malayalam. According to me, both have a very good phonetic appeal .. the best in India, i suppose.

    Waiting for `uh`’s comment.

    Our FM spells his name in a very funny manner.. its always pranob and not pranab … 🙂

    Cheers 🙂

    • Rofl Indian July 1, 2009 at 11:57 pm -

      Agreed. The difference, however lies in the fact that whereas Bangla is not too difficult to understand, Malayalam is virtually impossible to follow. 🙂

      • witsnnuts July 2, 2009 at 10:34 am -

        Being a tamil, not that difficult for me …
        I think it differs with vicinity 😉

      • Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 10:24 pm -

        This is not entirely unexpected. Bongs always claim they understand Oriya expletives 😉

    • ~uh~™ July 2, 2009 at 5:31 pm -

      I personally feel Gujrati is the next sweetest language.
      Who else can carry and munch ‘snakes’ while waiting for food at a fine dining?
      One of the ‘hepi’ community being always in ‘maja ma’ !

      • witsnnuts July 2, 2009 at 9:30 pm -

        ROFLMAO 😀

  3. Ann Dee July 1, 2009 at 9:29 am -

    he go…shokaley shokaley ki porlam (forgive my toota phoota Bong, but you got the intent right?)

    Appreciate how you packaged your post. I barely meet a Bong who’s spirited enough to do the laughing on himself. Blogrolling yuh… 🙂

    • Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 12:08 am -

      O! This is near perfect! 🙂
      ‘Go’, interestingly enough, is a common way to address the spouse…Ogo! Haa go! Shunchho go!
      And thanks for the honour 🙂
      cheers

      • Ann Dee July 2, 2009 at 10:27 am -

        Augh….I totally forgot the spouse connection..But nevertheless, find that the most mellifluous and did not wnt to leave an opportunity to use it

    • ~uh~™ July 2, 2009 at 5:28 pm -

      ‘he go…shokaley shokaley ki porlam’
      It can loosely be translated to
      ‘ Oh darling, did I wear anything weird this morning ?’
      har har har 😉

      • Ann Dee July 2, 2009 at 5:59 pm -

        Lesson taken: Never comment in a language you’re not good at [even if you’re dead tempted, even with a disclaimer to go with].

      • Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 9:52 pm -

        There’s a subtle difference between pordlam (to wear, as in jama pordlam, genji pordlam, jooto pordlam – put on my baniyaan, shirt and shoes, and everything else that must go with these) AND porlam (to read, as in ki jaa-taa chhaai-paash porlam – what crap I got to read!)
        Whatever…

  4. Ann Dee July 1, 2009 at 9:34 am -

    Have to add..I crave for tashty roshogulla in Hyd. You’d know how compelling it can be.. The ones out here are either too spongy or too soft…never the perfect ones I eat back home in Assam. We’ve loads of Bongs there and the Bong mithais are pretty much authentic. But I still havent tasted Kolkatar ubiquitous roshogulla… 🙁

    • Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 12:26 am -

      Good that you raised the point. There’s a variety called the ‘Bikaneri’ Rasgulla usually found in the desert areas of Rajasthan. Rumoured to be made of Camel’s milk, this sweet is quite robust in character, and stubbornly refuses to dissolve in the mouth. The enterprising may even experiment with one…if you take one in the mouth in the morning and suck it, I have reasons to believe that it’d come out intact in the evening! 😀

      • Ann Dee July 2, 2009 at 10:35 am -

        ROFL

        No no I’ve a sworn upon constitution..Bikaneri or Gujarati, they’ll become all one [yikes!!!!].

        The Roshogulla craving spoilt my yesterday and after a lot of research I found Bikaneri is what you get in Hydie 🙁

      • Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 10:16 pm -

        Too bad. I’d guess, in Hydie, you get the one variety which, true to its name – spongy rasogolla – turns out to be a rather hard and rubbery kind of sponge, the one you would be tempted to play tennis with 😀

  5. Ms Taggart July 2, 2009 at 12:22 pm -

    ROFL! Really!

    Came here through Ann Dee’s, and glad I did!
    Blogrolling you! 🙂

    • Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 4:31 pm -

      Welcome Ms Taggart. And thanks for the honour 🙂

  6. aparna July 2, 2009 at 4:32 pm -

    I have never laughed more reading a post on Bongs. Being one myself, I really appreciated it. Durdanto.Ekebaare phata-phati, maaeeri bolchi.

    • Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 10:13 pm -

      Welcome aparna. Your comment justs adds that zing to entire script 🙂
      ‘Phata-phati’, ‘mairee’ etc. are expressions unique to Bangla; in his album ‘kabhi aana tu meri galee’, Palash sen ends the song with ‘phata-phati’ !

  7. ~uh~™ July 2, 2009 at 5:19 pm -

    Uff mairi ! Takes the Cake 🙂
    Your bhision is bhery eunik.
    We bengaleej aar quite phunny in nechar, like dee goojratij.
    I wander eef eu kan raeet like this weedout shtayeeng in kolkata, whaat would habh happened if eu were there.
    And shaala why all bangali peepol always habh this phobia of marrej and phemales ? On dee other hand, dee bagla phillim directors show all bengali jentelman into inphidelity- see Dosor or Bibor or Antarmahal.
    Shaalla as if life is phul od sex onlee!
    Edike, life ij like dee hell to take oaiph to dee market everyday !
    *Sukh sopne santi sosane*
    Ullas !

    • Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 10:34 pm -

      Uh, this is a point which demands a bit of attention. What would be the appropriate English for ‘Mairee’?
      Good point you made there. About the phobia of marriage and females prevalent among bongs of all hues and shades. I thing it has got to do with the habit of ‘aabritti’ and ‘kobita poda’ so commonly found among young bong girls. More research is needed, though 😉

    • Gyanban February 23, 2010 at 7:05 am -

      Spell check –

      Bhot is mis spelt as whaat ?
      ood is misspelt as would ?
      sheksh is misspelt as sex.
      hail is misspelt as hell.

      RI: Hahaha! Good ones.

  8. amit July 2, 2009 at 9:21 pm -

    And the way genders are mixed up. There was a girl in my project who would say shocking sentences like : Sumit bol rahi thi ke Soniya aaj nahi aayega!
    Uff!

    • Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 10:37 pm -

      Lol! I recall a true incident where a bong housewife admonishes her maid who’s washing the clothes.. thus ‘Ei! Sheedha part saaf ho giya..ab ulti karke kaacho!’ Poor maid. She didn’t feel like puking at all.

  9. Nishchaya July 2, 2009 at 10:06 pm -

    Awesome post!!
    I guess you would remember Bappi da’s desh bhakti music that flowed on DD:
    “Hum sab teri santaan hain,
    hum sab ki maata hai tu,
    hum hain tumhara lahu,
    O mother India, we are your cheeldren”

    I have lot of Bong friends and could relate to each and every word of it. Just too good!

    But one word you missed out for sure. Guess what??
    Boka*****
    😉

  10. Rofl Indian July 2, 2009 at 10:53 pm -

    Of course Nischaya, who can forget that? And it sounds more like ‘Maadaar Indeea’. Bappida has a penchant for the word ‘Pyaar’ which he invariable utters ‘Pair’.
    Pair mangaa hai tumeesay
    Haamey toomse pair keetna
    Pair, pair, pair…laabh, laabh, laabh!

    Good observation there. Boka is a habitually and ubiquitously used Bong expression. Mostly reserved for erring kids, this expression finds ample usage among teenage bong girls who often refer to boys in third person using the word at every opportunity.
    cheers 🙂

  11. lostonthestreet July 3, 2009 at 12:44 am -

    As one of the few non bongs in JNU,reading this post was like being back in the campus..How the girls in maxis used to go maa go!! 🙂
    i wrote a similar post about assamese pronounciations- an assamese trying to speak in hindi is one of the funniest thing, and i believe the same goes for a bong trying to converse in hindi.

    Rofl Indian: It makes little difference if one is a Bong or an Assamese. All East/Northeast folks have a heavily accented Hindi/English and that shows. Maa go! is one of the commonest exclamations for Bongs, especially if something highly exciting or shocking thing happens.
    Welcome to my blog Loston 🙂

  12. verBose July 7, 2009 at 8:45 pm -

    Simply daroooon dada! I happened to stumble across your blog, fortunately! I guess you must be having a Master’s degree in a** whopping with specialization in humor 😀

    Btw, could you throw some light on the not-so-commonly-used phrase – “Ghorar deem” 🙂

    RI: Welcome verBose. Thats a really interesting ID. Are you a sound engineer by any chance? (verBose audio systems inc.??) 🙂

    Masters in a** whopping sounds like a terribly promising course with wide opportunities across varied occupations. Lawyers would then suffix their names with qualifications like B.A., L.L.B., M. Aw. Companies would look for candidates with three years of a** whopping experience, in addition to their professional skills 😉

    ‘Ghorar deem’ is too exhaustive a topic to be included in the present discourse. It merits an entirely different blogpost. Thanks for the idea 🙂

  13. verBose July 7, 2009 at 8:50 pm -

    And congratulations for winning the “Bonglish” shpelling bee compaatishaan 😀 The spellings are simply too good!

    RI: Thanks 😀

  14. Spike July 8, 2009 at 12:25 am -

    mast post dada!

    RI: Thanks Spikey 🙂

  15. Sourabh Biswas July 8, 2009 at 8:41 pm -

    unbelievable post man…..incredibly funny…knocks me on the right path of nostalgia when an uncle drank himself inebriated at a party and then hollered among the peers, “BHERE IS MY PHIEESH!!!! I BHANT CHEECKEN!!! BHRING ME MMYEE CHEEKIEN!!!”

    RI: Welcome Sourabh 🙂 Yes, PHEESH and CHEE-KEN are cult words, and sound so much more appetising when uttered properly by a Bong. I guess your uncle downed a few shots of BHODKA. Or was it RAAM?

  16. Shilpa Garg July 9, 2009 at 6:06 pm -

    LOL! Really funny! I imagined a Bong friend speaking all that while I was reading, and it was exactly the way he would have said in person! WoW!

    RI: Welcome to my blog Shilpa. And many thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate your gesture of reviewing my blog 🙂 Keep visiting.

  17. Sourabh Biswas July 9, 2009 at 6:11 pm -

    Naan oph the aabaavhhe……it owhaas owhieesky!!!

    RI: Lol! Owhieesky! OMG! Huis…kee! Lol!

  18. Shanu July 11, 2009 at 1:12 am -

    Lol..dont look into their eyes..look elsewhere..finally it all makes sense..so all those guys who look ‘elsewhere’ are only tryin to avoid eye contact is it? And there i was misinterpretin it 😛

    RI: Lol! You are the first one to ‘actually’ interpret it 🙂 Hats off!

    • Shanu July 12, 2009 at 11:40 am -

      And I have to ask this..why have I been given this weird cockroach like profile pic? Has this something to do with random picture allocation or can wordpress actually see me..I mean the resemblance is uncanny!

      Rofl Indian: Hahaha! I guess its just the former, or else I too may have to contend with the picture of an earthworm (Rolling On Floor etc. etc) 🙂

  19. Tanushree July 12, 2009 at 4:45 pm -

    hey guru phata phati…..daroon…i was ‘lmao’….m short of words …

    Rofl Indian: Thanks :-).

  20. alok August 1, 2009 at 3:44 pm -

    i am so late here nothing else left to be said ….tchtchtch

    RI: Bettar late than nebhar 😉

  21. Orknob August 7, 2009 at 7:23 am -

    too good………….pronobbabu rocks…..always love people who go about their job without any pretensions…u forget mamatadidi btw

    • Rofl Indian August 7, 2009 at 6:57 pm -

      Orknob! It’s a pleasure to have you on my blog. Welcome.
      No! I didin’t forget Didi! Of course not! Only that Pronob Babu’s bhoka-bulari appears to be somewhat richer, therefore he got the precedence. 🙂

  22. G September 1, 2009 at 7:13 pm -

    ROFL -awesome post! definitely better than bendlish 🙂

    RI: Thanks and welcome 🙂

  23. gyanban January 7, 2010 at 8:56 am -

    I noticed a spelling mistake in the passion sexion…err section – Kollezze is misspelt as college.
    next in the phidelity section ohyen is misspelt as when.

    oishorjho rai ,and okkhoy coomar aat lokkhi talkijj be added to the illustrious list.

    barring these, the post is the gud.

    RI: You are right. ‘Hoyen’, ‘howat’, ‘Hoyai’ etc. are trademark bong stuff ;-). Oishshorjo Raay and Okkhoy! Uff mairee..darun!

  24. Meghpeon January 14, 2010 at 10:05 pm -

    Hillarious!!! Hashyokor, “isshh..!!!” 😛

    RI: Hi Meghpeon…thats a very interesting id. Why ‘peon’? 🙂
    Welcome to my blog and thanks for commenting.

    • Paushali February 22, 2010 at 2:14 am -

      kalidas er meghdyutomer er ekush shotokiyo songoskoron ar ki 🙂

      RI: Ami khanikta shei bhebechhilam 🙂