Gas-anova Doc

“Soo-sseee, next patient please!”

As a nurse, Sister Susie was a fine specimen and seemed to fulfill all physiological requirements of the profession. She was pretty, dedicated pretty dedicated and caressing caring in nature. When I called out to her, Susie was fidgeting with the TV remote absentmindedly. She stood up, adjusted her tunic over her lovely pair of big adjusted her tunic and her lovely pair of big specs,Β  looked for the next entry in the diary and opened the door.

“Meno-ghaaaaar.” (That’s how she pronounced ‘Manohar’)

Manohar Singh stood up from the bench, looking quite nervous. He looked to his left, then to his right, and then entered the room.Β  Upon my gesticulating gesturing, he slowly lowered himself to the patients’ seat, seating himself on the very edge.

“Namaskaar Doxaab.”

“Namaskaar.”

“Doxaab, I have many gastrology problems in life. Can you cure me?”

“Ummm….oh! (Can I cure you? Tough question. I ain’t know nothing about astrology). “Please tell me about that gas of yours in detail.”

“Doxaab, it is seve-rear problem from last one year.”

“You mean severe problem?”

“Yes very seve-rear!”

(Severe? Rear? Severe in the rear? Or rarely severe?). “Go ahead.”

“Whenever I eat solid or liquid, it forms gas.”

“Really?” (No big deal. As far as I know, that’s how states of matter are supposed to behave.)

“Doxaab….the gas first rotates in my belly circularly and comes in the chest. From there, it rises up and fills my shoulder and back of neck!”

“Hmmm.”

“If I get burp by this time, I feel better, otherwise gas goes in brain and fills my eyes to cause headache in head. Some gas spreads in my hands and causes swelling of fingers causing great difficulty.”

“Too bad. Did your finger get stuck in any hole recently?”

“No no. I am careful about that.”

“O! Where else does the gas go?”

“That’s what I am telling you Doxaab. Many times gas goes to lower belly and back. Now if I get a fart by this time, I feel better, otherwise the gas goes into my legs and causes swelling of my feet, so my shoes get stuck”

“Aww!”

“Yes! Sometimes my whole body gets swollen with gas and I become very uncomfortable. Finally when I am totally swollen, my wife presses my arm here and my leg there and then I get many loud burps and get some relief.”

“Good God! How scary!”

“Yes Doxaab. And because of gas, I cannot sleep with my wife.”

“Whose wife do you sleep with then?”

“No…I mean I sleep with my wife, but I cannot s-l-e-e-p with her.”

“I see.” (What a knot! First he gets swollen at all the useless places. Then he makes measly attempts to sleep with someone with whom he cannot finally sleep with! Quite slippery indeed!)

I had to write a prescription. Manohar wiped his brow. He looked quite exhausted. I wondered whether it was from the gas or the lack of s-l-e-e-p? Susie stood up again, stretched her arms lazily and adjusted her apron over her large pair of and her large pair of specs yet again.

Uff. This lady was so distracting at times….


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14 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. ~uh~β„’ March 30, 2009 at 10:08 am -

    That was a ROFL strike(through) !
    I want more ROFL Innuendos ….i mean Indianness.
    Good pro looking blog: Minimalistic, short and stretchable, in short sexy and attractive.

    Wish more excitement and elongation to your b-log.

    Cheers!
    ~uh~

    Uh… The first comment on this blog. Welcome to the party πŸ˜€

  2. rambodoc March 30, 2009 at 2:37 pm -

    I was wondering how my patient went to you!

    Lol! I think it was more a case of cross-referencing, rather than fence-crossing. Welcome Rambodoc πŸ™‚

  3. whatsinaname March 31, 2009 at 10:32 am -

    Doc is in form now lol! “Pretty” “adjusting” soo-sie you have there! So, what was the prescription?

    A 5 Day 4 Night trip to the Pink City. Via-Agra! πŸ˜€

  4. Vidooshak March 31, 2009 at 12:10 pm -

    LOL

    Your posts will lead to a huge drop in medical college entrance exams, making it easier for my son to get admission. Keep writing, doc. Only 19 more years left for you to completely scare the s-h-i-t out of to-be doctors (and make it easier for my son to get admission). All the while, we were on the edge of our seat– ab fatta, ab fatta! Glad you let Manuji leave before he ‘aired’ any of his views

    Now about my son’s admission….

    On the contrary, some people may find the job rather alluring! Now you know why docs keep masks handy πŸ™‚

  5. Abha April 1, 2009 at 11:33 am -

    i wonder what will you say doc when Susie chooses a new smaller frame for her spectacles! πŸ˜‰

    I’d rather keep mum πŸ˜‰

  6. kritika April 4, 2009 at 10:52 am -

    Ha ha ha. This one really slayed me….
    Oh and about Sooosie’s big ahem spectacles distracting you now and then why dont u suggest to her relatives in the Gelf… (Gulf pronounced her way i think) to get her a pair of contacts…..
    problem solved?

    Great idea! I’d then probably be distracted by Susie’s big ahem eyes πŸ˜€ Welcome Kritika

  7. Dinesh Babu April 10, 2009 at 11:52 pm -

    Awesomely funny, But seriously what did you prescribe? – “Gasex” ? Since you know he couldn’t sleep with his wife as well?

    just gasex wouldn’t have been enough! He needed some ‘viagrous’ exercises too to rejuvenate his assorted muscles ;-D

  8. Shanu June 9, 2009 at 1:04 am -

    ROFLMAO….You are too good!!

    • Rofl Indian June 12, 2009 at 8:34 pm -

      Thanks for the appreciation πŸ™‚

  9. le embrouille blogueur June 22, 2009 at 6:51 am -

    Too funny ….. I understand you do not have spell check and hence the “almost” typos…great stuff !!!

  10. Ms Taggart July 3, 2009 at 12:34 am -

    OH man… this Susie is something, right! And to work with her beside you must be tough, what with all the big stuff she has! πŸ™‚

    Roflindian: Indeed. Its quite impossible at times to write something when she hovers above the table. She cuts off all the light you see πŸ˜€

  11. Sourabh Biswas July 9, 2009 at 3:19 pm -

    u are the ultimate deal in humour man…i can just imagine you doing all that….

    RI: I take a bow πŸ™‚

  12. Archi_palego April 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm -

    Susie was right in calling him β€œMano- Ghaar” . β€œ

    Yeh patient aapke man mein Ghar kar gaya” ( u dedicated a whole blog post on this patient, Wow )

  13. MP Singh (@NotThatMP) May 4, 2012 at 5:18 pm -

    Swollen with humour. A Pneumatic achievement!