Google Chromosome!

This post appeared among Blogadda’s Spicy Saturday Picks on July 3, ’10

Doctors are not too well known for their IT skills. We guys usually eye the computer with considerable unease and are known to invent elaborate excuses to avoid even having to go near one. If I may confess, most docs confuse the word ‘laptop’ with an attractive and youthful female having pleasing attributes and large, inviting lap. I have often thought of broaching the subject with Susie over a cup of coffee and seek her honest opinion on the matter of fully loaded, higher end laptops with plenty of giga bites gigabytes, but every time some or the other thing crops up and the issue gets forgotten.

Many practitioners, though, do keep a PC in their clinics. The rich ones like our Hospital Director keep a Mac. The aim is obvious. To snare patients and con them into thinking that the doctor is cool, trendy and upwardly mobile. Casting an impression on the opposite sex is an added benefit. Still, they try their best to avoid having to use the computer, except on a those occasions when the urge to watch a pedagogic DVD or two becomes really overpowering. May I, at this juncture, make it clear that a pedagogic DVD is a piece of hardware that contains loads of ‘visually stimulating’ material that is usually sneaked in hidden among the pages of Harrison’s Textbook of Internal Medicine.   Many a doc has been caught red handed by inquisitive staff members (and vice versa), lapping up such academic videos in the privacy of his darkened chamber.  Now, a doc may be as cool as a frozen Tuborg when it comes to cutting the stomach open and playing Twenty-20 with the intestines, but when confronted with the challenge of snap shutting a browser window, a doc usually plops  into a deep kind of stupor, bordering almost on coma. Even the Statue of Liberty would appear much animated in comparison.

The aversion of doctors towards information technology is rooted in their unique professional upbringing. The MBBS course is one of the toughest trainings ever designed to screw a half dead human being. When the blokes in the engineering or commerce colleges ramble around on Pulsars and Yamahas (the older ones roamed about on Yezdis) with gorgeous babes wrapped around them from head to toe, the medical guy loses his sleep over the harrowing details of levator labii superioris alaeque nasi and its nasty relations with other such stupid muscles. While the MBA geeks swim around in espresso coffee mugs with sugary belles clinging on to them in hordes, the bachelor of medicine buries himself deep into Gray’s Anatomy and sighs in despair while trying hard to mug the anatomy of the female breasts. Poor guy, he must learn to identify the breast as a ‘modified sweat gland’ if he has to pass the Ist term exams.

It isn’t that we guys do not try to learn a thing or two about the internet and things like that. One of my colleagues was so impressed by Google that he started prescribing ‘two teaspoons of isabgoogle at night with a glass of water’ to cure constipation. Another named his son after the search giant. Google Shukla.

In light of the above revelations, it appears that the medical fraternity is in dire need of professional assistance from the IT guys. Docs would welcome a short course on ‘How to download useful video clips from the internet and store (hide) them on the hard disk’  or ‘How to set up a chat without letting the wife know’. And Google would really do well to come up with a doctor friendly internet browser. They may name it Google Chromosome!

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30 Comments on this article. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. Whatsinaname June 29, 2010 at 5:26 pm -

    Lol! While on laptop, I am just wondering what would docs think about hard-disks and soft-wares :p

    • Rofl Indian June 30, 2010 at 8:37 am -

      O! That’s elementary stuff…hardly any confusion at all….what confounds the docs are things like 2 GB RUM and 240 GB MAMMARY!

  2. Spike June 30, 2010 at 2:10 am -

    Did I see a corrupt, double meaning comment from WIAN? About time! 😀 either that or I’m an not at the current version of WIAN 2.0

    • Rofl Indian June 30, 2010 at 9:11 am -

      C’mon Spike…WIAN is a fully code tested, incorruptible, bug free program with a great SOH and deeply analytical word processing skills…rare qualities…not found nowadays… 😀

      • spikeace June 30, 2010 at 10:12 am -

        ha ha … That I fully agree with.. An expert at dishing out artful and interesting comments, always a pleasure to read. Perhaps I was a WIAN 2.0 dual-meaning comment virgin …. till now … glad I upgraded… 😉

  3. Whatsinaname June 30, 2010 at 6:13 pm -

    Spike! I am as innocent as …. this doc here 😉

  4. Lazy Pineapple July 4, 2010 at 12:12 am -

    this is hilarious..loved your tongue in cheek humour 🙂

    • Rofl Indian July 10, 2010 at 12:31 am -

      Thanks Pineapple. Welcome to Rofl’s blog 🙂

  5. Anirban July 5, 2010 at 4:25 am -

    Always a breezy, funny read. This time was no exception either. Also glad to see you as a regular on Twitter.

    • Roflindian July 5, 2010 at 10:24 pm -

      Thanks. Hope to remain regular 🙂

  6. le embrouille blogueur July 8, 2010 at 2:53 am -

    Ha ha …. given the intricate technology I think it serves well to be be a Brain Surgeon….you would understand how Random Access Memories work. Never had any damsel cling on to me. Would be odd,doing that in City buses !! Never owned a bike or even a bicylce for that matter. Brilliant aspiration.

    • Rofl Indian July 10, 2010 at 5:10 pm -

      Aha! The brain surgeon only professes to reconnect a few loose wires on the motherboard; it is beyond his capacity to fiddle either with the hard disk or the RAM. 😉 And for the damsels, I’d gently suggest you refresh your memory 😀

  7. Purba July 8, 2010 at 9:04 am -

    “I will hit you so hard, even Google will not be
    able to find you!”

    Not just the medical fraternity, google is a hit with the Tamil film industry as well!!

    • Rofl Indian July 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm -

      Tamil film industry? What do they search for…..I mean do they ever need to search beyond Rajinikanth and Kamal Hassan :)?

  8. doctoratlarge July 10, 2010 at 11:01 pm -

    In the same boat with you comrade. However isn’t laptop meant to be something to be kept ‘on’ the lap a la duryodhan of Mahabharat fame?

    P.S. I am feeling particularly academic these days. Do you have some of those journals and DVDs with you?

    • Rofl Indian July 11, 2010 at 8:00 pm -

      I did tinker with that thought. However I could only visualise a ‘slap’top that way. Gave up…my fault 🙁
      Are you feeling academic too? This calls for a conference.

  9. gyanban July 11, 2010 at 6:09 pm -

    Ah you techno challenged Doc. Here’s a secret.

    Bill Gates was fascinated with Doctors. It s a fact. You can see his fascination everywhere and in every word.doc !

    Also laptop is passe…palmtop is shaking…errm i mean happening.

    • Rofl Indian July 11, 2010 at 7:48 pm -

      Point noted. Bill Gates apparently realised the true character of docs later when he revised the code to doc-x 😉
      I’ll ask the Hospital Director to start looking for a nice palmtop 🙂

  10. djds4rce July 17, 2010 at 1:21 pm -

    i was a regular reader of your blog some time back but suddenly stopped(forgot) coming. you still are very funny cheesy humor

    • Rofl Indian July 17, 2010 at 10:57 pm -

      Thanks. Hope to see you regularly 🙂

  11. arien78 July 19, 2010 at 12:14 pm -

    Hilarious blog…could picture everything you were depicting…to me thats great blogging!!! To capture the readers imagination…

    Will read the rest sooooon…keep blogging !!!

    • Rofl Indian July 20, 2010 at 9:22 am -

      Thanks arien. Words of encouragement there:) Keep visiting.

  12. Rishi B July 20, 2010 at 8:45 am -

    LMAO amazing post …

    • Rofl Indian July 20, 2010 at 9:24 am -

      Thanks Rishi 🙂

  13. umapoems October 12, 2010 at 6:37 pm -

    What a definition for laptop?lap-top ….hehe…and the youtube video of statue of liberty dancing…well crafted animation

    Btw,Could you read this and vote to support me

  14. Kshitij October 30, 2010 at 9:47 pm -

    Hey. Ever since I blogrolled you, you’ve written exactly 0 articles. Do something man. You’re taking real estate on my page.

  15. Varsha December 15, 2010 at 1:07 pm -

    Hah hah, so true. I guess I am 2 degrees better than most medicos I know thanks to my engineer husband. The more medically qualified a doctor becomes, more techno dumb he gets…..

  16. Ketan December 19, 2010 at 6:02 pm -

    Why did I not think of visiting your blog in this much time?!!! Too good!

    Keep writing! 🙂

    • Rofl Indian December 22, 2010 at 4:32 pm -

      Thanks Ketan 🙂