Tag Archives: laptop

Google Chromosome!

Posted on by Rofl Indian

This post appeared among Blogadda’s Spicy Saturday Picks on July 3, ’10

Doctors are not too well known for their IT skills. We guys usually eye the computer with considerable unease and are known to invent elaborate excuses to avoid even having to go near one. If I may confess, most docs confuse the word ‘laptop’ with an attractive and youthful female having pleasing attributes and large, inviting lap. I have often thought of broaching the subject with Susie over a cup of coffee and seek her honest opinion on the matter of fully loaded, higher end laptops with plenty of giga bites gigabytes, but every time some or the other thing crops up and the issue gets forgotten.

Many practitioners, though, do keep a PC in their clinics. The rich ones like our Hospital Director keep a Mac. The aim is obvious. To snare patients and con them into thinking that the doctor is cool, trendy and upwardly mobile. Casting an impression on the opposite sex is an added benefit. Still, they try their best to avoid having to use the computer, except on a those occasions when the urge to watch a pedagogic DVD or two becomes really overpowering. May I, at this juncture, make it clear that a pedagogic DVD is a piece of hardware that contains loads of ‘visually stimulating’ material that is usually sneaked in hidden among the pages of Harrison’s Textbook of Internal Medicine.   Many a doc has been caught red handed by inquisitive staff members (and vice versa), lapping up such academic videos in the privacy of his darkened chamber.  Now, a doc may be as cool as a frozen Tuborg when it comes to cutting the stomach open and playing Twenty-20 with the intestines, but when confronted with the challenge of snap shutting a browser window, a doc usually plops  into a deep kind of stupor, bordering almost on coma. Even the Statue of Liberty would appear much animated in comparison.

The aversion of doctors towards information technology is rooted in their unique professional upbringing. The MBBS course is one of the toughest trainings ever designed to screw a half dead human being. When the blokes in the engineering or commerce colleges ramble around on Pulsars and Yamahas (the older ones roamed about on Yezdis) with gorgeous babes wrapped around them from head to toe, the medical guy loses his sleep over the harrowing details of levator labii superioris alaeque nasi and its nasty relations with other such stupid muscles. While the MBA geeks swim around in espresso coffee mugs with sugary belles clinging on to them in hordes, the bachelor of medicine buries himself deep into Gray’s Anatomy and sighs in despair while trying hard to mug the anatomy of the female breasts. Poor guy, he must learn to identify the breast as a ‘modified sweat gland’ if he has to pass the Ist term exams.

It isn’t that we guys do not try to learn a thing or two about the internet and things like that. One of my colleagues was so impressed by Google that he started prescribing ‘two teaspoons of isabgoogle at night with a glass of water’ to cure constipation. Another named his son after the search giant. Google Shukla.

In light of the above revelations, it appears that the medical fraternity is in dire need of professional assistance from the IT guys. Docs would welcome a short course on ‘How to download useful video clips from the internet and store (hide) them on the hard disk’  or ‘How to set up a chat without letting the wife know’. And Google would really do well to come up with a doctor friendly internet browser. They may name it Google Chromosome!

Meeky Mouse

Posted on by Rofl Indian

“उह्…. मुझे यह् computer नही चाहिये … इसका mouse छोटा है !”

The girl sitting next to me in the cyber cafe yelled in disgust and stood up in evident anger, pushing back her chair with such force that it nearly toppled over. I had just settled down at my cubicle and had barely glanced at the day’s developments on my monitor, when this mini tempest ruffled my rather tranquil feathers, and forced me to turn my attention towards her, something I rarely do in a cyber cafe except when besotted by extraordinarily alluring company.

I was tempted to ask “क्या आपको छोटा माउस पसन्द नही ….and can’t you be happy and contented with what you have got? After marriage, would you ask for a new husband when you find out that he too ain’t got a computer with as big a mouse as you had dreamt of”, but I preferred to remain silent as I saw the café owner fast approaching with a startled look on his face.

The girl repeated her demand, this time with a distinct sneer and contempt in her voice.

 “देखिये, मुझे ये वाला नही चाहिये . इसका screen dull है और mouse भी बहुत छोटा है . आप मुझे कोई बड़े mouse वाला computer दे रहे हैं या मैं जाऊँ ?”

The café owner’s pride seemed hurt  at the threat “अरे madam …mouse की size से क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है ? काम तो इससे भी बढ़िया होता है..” I agreed. For a man, the screen and the mouse are sensitive issues, and no one likes to have his mouse rejected merely because of size! And speaking of bright screens, why do women forget that a dull screen actually spares the eyes from undue strain, and while bright screens may look funky and handsome, they may turn out to be quite unfaithful and associated with divorce diverse complications. Anyway, the girl had her way, and her demands were promptly fulfilled.  The sleepy cyber café soon returned to the placid silence of the humming air conditioners, and things were normal again.

I returned my attention to the monitor. But the turbulence in my mind was far from settled. After all, the girl had stirred (girls usually stir a lot of things) a host of queries in my mind which needed answers.  Come to think of it, had there been no mouse, would the accomplishments of Bill Gates or of Google’s bosses been half as ‘note’worthy as they are now? Without the mouse, the Sensex wouldn’t really have got a chance to screw us and all of Satyam’s assests would still have been intact. Imagine the impact it would have if Big B wrote in his blog.… “मै और मेरा माउस अक्सर यह् बातें करते हैं….”  If I had my way, no girl on this earth would ever have said “मुझे  छोटा mouse नही चाहिये”.

I absentmindedly caressed the fêted tool itself. Though it’s quite unassuming to look at, the computer mouse is one of  the most important pieces of hardware. Personally, I prefer the old fashioned ones with balls. It’s nice and heavy to hold, and is quite comfortable to work with. Moreover, the one with balls is good at pointing, and seldom wavers from the target, although it needs some spirited cleansing of the ball every now and then to ensure faithful performance with each stroke. The optical ones with fancy LEDs may be sleek and lighter, but they are fearfully notorious on slippery surfaces (like glass, granite and satin) and quite prone to drifting unpredictably with occasionally frightful consequences (some websites which you do not wish to open in the presence of your bosses may inadvertantly open with resultant misconfusions).

And of course there are laptops, where you don’t need the mouse and the ball at all (sigh!); only a few deft caresses of the nimble finger is enough to fire up the flames of digital passion.